Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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