a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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