When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
