you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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