Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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