Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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