I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
In America we eat man semen.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
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