Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Boobs speak an international language.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
