dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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