I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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