I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
