Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
