Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
