And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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