Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
