I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
