so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Everyone says I win the strip club
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
