Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
