By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
