So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
