He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
