Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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