last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
