I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Girls should come with a carfax report
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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