If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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