my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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