just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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