we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
