he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he thought i was a dude.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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