and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
