I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
