I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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