we made out on top of his cat.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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