Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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