As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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