she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
