he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Welp...herpes.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
