I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
