It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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