Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
