My nipple is on Facebook.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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