Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
