I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
