I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
