woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Found the puke drawer
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
