his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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