guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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