u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
