I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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