I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Randomize
