No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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