At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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