I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
